Event Guide: Xmas2k7 pt1


 * All the text here is from the event, and copied verbatim from Gaia Online, with additional text to explain the gameplay. This page shows the dialogue that was said when taking care of an orphan from Christmas 2k7.

Intro & Gameplay
The purpose of the events of Xmas2k7 was to take care of orphans from the Shabby Meadows Orphanage until it was time to drop them off at Adoption Agency.

Taking care of an orphan required meeting their needs and request, such as buying them the right food, medicine or toy. These objects were purchasable by going to The Ole Fishing Hole and although peculiar at a glance, it has been reported that Shabby Meadows kids have weak stomachs so only special orphan food, orphan toys and orphan medicines will satisfy them.

In order to give the items to the orphan, Gaians had to wait until a text bubble with a "Help" link appeared. The text provided would give a clue as to what the orphan wanted. When the orphan did not request anything, they would give quips occasionally as Gaians traveled around the site. In reading the Orphans quips and requests, Gaians would have insight into the lives of the children and how they felt; the dialogue that particularly stood out was talk of the vicious rabid animal that terrorizes the Orphanage, the children referred to him as Mr. Raccoon

Food:

 * Boruff's Ratmeal :Plenty of teeth and bones give Boruff's Ratmeal the crunchy taste kids love! Suitable for orphan consumption only. (10 gold)


 * Bucket O' Fish Heads :For all you know, this could be the tastiest part of the fish! Suitable for orphan consumption only. (15 gold)


 * Glomco Industrial Hardtack :Classified by FDA as ' 'semifood.' ' Composed of sawdust, horse bullion, and the various byproducts of animal disposal. Suitable for orphan consumption only. (10 gold)


 * Powdered Gruel Mix :Each packet makes a quart of pungent gruel. Not a viable source any substantial nourishment, but it sure does have a taste of some sort! Suitable for orphan consumption only. (10 gold)

Medicine:

 * Dr. Blotto's Warmup Cure :Warm your chills with this soothing medicinal drink. Distilled from fermented grain and aged in an oaken cask, Dr. Blotto's Warmup Tonic warms the body and calms the nerves! (21 gold)


 * Dr. Fantod's Sleepytime Elixir :The instant miracle cure for insomnia! Warning: this product contains 100% pure ether. Suitable for orphan use only. (18 gold)


 * Dr. Thorpe's Bone Tonic :The miracle cure! Soothes & relieves bone brittleness, softness, and clamminess! Dissolves bone spurs and dewclaws while diminishing the visible signs of tuskitis! (20 gold)


 * Lung Brush :The perfect swab to ease the pain of black lung, lung fleas, respiratory fungus, flungus, raglung, hairlung, hocking sickness, Caligula's cough and the bellowgroans. (10 gold)

Toys:

 * Burlap Sack :The toy with a thousand and one uses, all of them unspeakably boring! Guaranteed to entertain orphans. (8 gold)


 * Carpet Swatch :Sort of like a doll, but large, flat, featureless and square. Soft enough to distract an orphan from misery. (5 gold)


 * Cup-N-Ball :Instructions: 1) Swing ball. 2) Catch ball in cup. 3) Repeat if desired. The perfect gift for an orphan. (6 gold)


 * Hoop-N-Stick :You can roll this hoop down the street by beating it with a stick, which is fun for some reason. A wonderful toy for a young orphan. (10 gold)

Boruff's Ratmeal

 * * grumble* Ehnnggg, I haven't eaten much in the last couple of days... *twitch* RATATOUILLE! BAH! GIMME SOMETHING MEATY!


 * * twitch* RATS! EVERYWHERE RATS! GAH!*twitch* They sure are making me hungry!


 * Did you know Ratt had a hit single in 1984 called "Round and Round"!? I love that band, they remind me of my favorite food...


 * Did you know that every ounce of ratmeal contains components from over 200 rats? Yow! If that doesn't impress you, nothing can!


 * Even if I were a millionaire, I'd still eat ratmeal every day. I'd fill a swimming pool with it and just dive in... mmm...


 * I bet the rats eat better than us orphans... but if I were to eat the rats, then I would have quite the meal!


 * I like ratmeal, fresh out of the package, still with the flavor dust on it. Oh, to indulge in that crunchy bag of heaven.


 * I think I'm going to die from eating too many rats... or not enough... I'm not sure which. Well, only one way to find out!


 * I wouldn't say I like ratmeal, I'd say I love it! Though the lack of ratmeal hinders my love.


 * I'm craving some delicious rat meats! Didja know that the ancient Romans called rats Mus Maximus? Didja? Didja? Didja?


 * I'm starving... usually. Mmm, some meat would be nice...


 * It's OK... I can probably find some ratmeal on my own... but I'm so weak from hunger.


 * Mr. Raccoon is my friend. He sometimes brings us yummy rats! I've got such a craving for them...


 * No, don't trouble yourself getting me any ratmeal... I'm sure you have more important things to do.


 * One day the rats tried to take over the kitchens, but Mr. Raccoon saved us! I sure would like another rat feast like that


 * We had meat in the orphanage the same day my rat friends disappeared. Mmm, I could sure go for a feast like that again!

Bucket O' Fish Heads

 * "You know what's the tastiest part of the fish, by far? You'll totally never guess. I'll give you a hint: it has teeth and eyeballs. I'm hungry just thinking about it."


 * * burp* That chipmunk head I ate earlier tasted terrible. I bet some fish would calm my tummy down.


 * * gag* I think I'm going to... *gag* No, I'm good... wait... *gag* Ugh... I need some fish to hold down last night's gruel.


 * * grumble* I would drool at the thought of some delicious fish heads, but I forgot how to taste.


 * * grumble* If I could eat right now, I think I would want some fish heads and ketchup. Lots of ketchup.


 * * grumble* My stomach is pretty empty. I haven't eaten a full meal in a while. FISHNUGGETS! *twitch* GRAH!


 * * twitch* FISH! *twitch* I'm pretty hungry. DO YOU THINK YOU COULD HELP ME OUT, HUH?


 * Fish heads are probably too good for someone so undeserving as me...


 * Heeeeey! Did you know that fish is full of omega-3 fatty acids?! I bet you didn't! I could sure go for some of that.


 * I hope the groaning of my stomach isn't bothering you... oh, if only I had some fish heads...


 * I'm not a gourmet or anything, but for my money, nothing beats fish heads. Well, if I had any money, that is.


 * I've never had seafood before... unless you count lake boots. I wonder what it's like?


 * Sometimes we'll fish out of the sewer, but all we ever catch is nausea. I've always wanted to try fish.


 * There are over 28,000 species of fish! I bet you didn't know that! I wonder which is the most delicious?

Glomco Industrial Hardtack

 * * crunch crunch* I'm just a'chewin' on my hand. *twitch* I NEED TO CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH SOMETHING *twitch* Little help?


 * DID YOU KNOW HARDTACK WAS INVENTED IN 1801?!?! I DID! I think the hardtack we have at Shabby Meadows is from the original batch.


 * Even some hardtack may not cheer me up this X-mas... but, I guess it wouldn't hurt to try.


 * I bet you didn't know that hardtack is sometimes called "molar breakers"! I know from personal experience that it's true!


 * I don't know why they call it hardtack. I mean, it's definitely hard... but is it really "tack"? All I know: it's delicious!


 * I wish I had some hardtack from the orphanage. We used to have soft cookies, but Mr. Raccoon demanded all the chewy food.


 * I'd ask for some hardtack, but I wouldn't want to get crumbs all over your nice furniture...


 * I'm terribly sorry to inconvenience you, but perhaps you could spare some hardtack for a poor wretched little orphan...


 * Mmm, hardtack! I can't even remember the last time I ate hardtack. Or the last time I ate anything, come to think of it...


 * Mmm... hardtack... it's a taste explosion! It's like a party in my mouth and only cardboard and sawdust are invited!


 * Mr. Raccoon punished us most dearly when we tried to offer him hardtack. I miss those tooth-breaking biscuits *grumble*


 * Ms. Cooper said I should stop chewin' on things... *twitch* I ONLY BIT HER ONCE *twitch* I just need something crunchy...


 * My last piece of hardtack was stolen by a rat and nobody wants to share with me *little tear*


 * Regular cookies are too heavy for my weak orphan stomach. I need a cookie that's hard as a rock so I don't gobble it down...


 * Sometimes I get so hungry I'll just chew on a rock. Something like that would be great about now...

Powdered Gruel Mix

 * * blah* That gruel last night was terrible. Hmmm, for some reason I want more of it today...odd


 * * sigh* even just a small bowl of gruel might brighten up my xmas a little...


 * * twitch* Hey, I'm getting pretty hungry over here. LISTEN TO ME, YOU! GRAH! *twitch* Sorry. I just haven't had any gruel in so long.


 * Amazing, the gruel I had yesterday came with little shards of glass! I can only imagine what's in store today!


 * At the orphanage, we could only eat "Near-Gruel Gruel-like Supplement". I'd like to try the real stuff some day...


 * Gruel is basically a thin porridge, duh! There are some fancy kinds, like Korean Jat-juk, but I'll settle for any kind.


 * Gruel isn't the worst thing in the world - it sure beats starvation.


 * I hate to be a bother, but do you have any gruel mix to spare?


 * I have one invisible sandwich left. It'd be peachy keen to have a side of gruel to accompany it.


 * I love the gruel here. It's always grey and bland, I can't wait to see what it tastes like today!


 * I sure could go for some real gruel..


 * I was wrong to defend myself when Mr. Raccoon wanted my gruel. I'm still hungry for some.


 * I wonder what would happen if I put poison in the gruel... I have the poison now all I need is some gruel...


 * I'm hungry for gruel! Maize gruel was once one of the main foods of Mesoamericans, did ya know?! I did!


 * I'm so depressed I don't think I can eat... the only thing I've ever liked was gruel, but I think we ran out of that last week...


 * My constant demands must be such a financial hardship for you... I'll try to curb my hunger pangs instead of pestering you for gruel...


 * My teeth hurt from biting everything *twitch* CHOMP CHOMP CHOMPITTY *twitch* I think I need to eat something non-solid...


 * One time Mr. Raccoon fell into the gruel, and we had to throw it out. *grumble* I would still eat it, if I could get some...


 * You know, call me crazy, but gruel is hands-down my favorite food in the world. Sure, I've only tried four different foods in my life, but I don't think anything will ever beat gruel. I sure could use some gruel...


 * You'd be a FOOL if you didn't love GRUEL. Get it? Do you see what I did there? Are you picking up what I'm laying down?

Dr. Blotto's Warmup Cure

 * * achooooo* I hope this cold spreads like the plague to the other orphans.


 * * cough cough* I'm freezing! I think I've got a bad case of the chills.


 * * shiver* I am not just cold, I am shivering with style.


 * * shiver* I don't like to think of myself as freezing to death so much as... becoming a still-life.


 * * shiver* I'm s-so cold y-you can't see m-me twitching. *shiver* I THINK I NEED HELP! GRAH!


 * * shiver* It feels like I'm *shiver* LOCKED INSIDE A FREEZER GET ME OUT *shiver* Ohhh... I think I'm sick...


 * Ah... ah... ah... achooooooooooo! Help, I have acute viral nasopharyngitis. I need something to warm me up!


 * Brrrrrr. I haven't felt this cold since Mr. Raccoon made me give up my blanket. I think I'm sick.


 * Can you ever forgive me for my irritating fits of shivering? Oh, please, don't hate me!


 * I'm freezing my little orphan fingers off... well, the ones I have left anyway.


 * I'm so cold, but what's the point in warming myself up with a blanket? I bet I'll still be cold in another 5 minutes.


 * I'm so cold. Why don't I just lie here and freeze to death? At least then someone might put a blanket over my rotting corpse.


 * I-I'm s-s-so c-c-cold!


 * If these chills were any more fun, I'd have to buy a ticket! Whoo! All aboard the COLDERCOASTER!


 * It makes my liver hurt, but Dr. Blotto's Warmup Tonic will make my cold feel better.


 * Nothing beats a good chill. It's such a rush!


 * Oh dear, I hope my violent shivering isn't distracting you. If only I had a bit of warming tonic...

Dr. Fantod's Sleepytime Elixir

 * * Yawn* I'm sleepy, but I can't fall asleep because these crazy letters keep running through my head: CH3-CH2-O-CH2-CH3


 * * sigh* What's the point of sleeping? I'll just wake up again. If only I had some way to fall asleep without thinking about it.


 * * twitch* I haven't slept in weeks! *twitch* SOME PEOPLE SAY IT'S UNHEALTHY! GRAH! *twitch*


 * * yawn* Eating powdered milk before bedtime doesn't help me fall asleep, I need something better!


 * * yawn* I haven't been able to sleep since Mr. Raccoon stole my blanket. I wish there was something that could help me sleep.


 * * yawn* I'm so tired but Mr. Raccoon just stares at me hungrily all night. I need something to help me fall asleep!


 * * yawn* My insomnia is going to kill me if I don't find a way to fall asleep, and fast...


 * * yawn* Usually I pass out from malnutrition, but tonight I need that little extra.


 * How can you sleep when there's *twitch* SO MUCH TO DO SO MUCH TO DO *twitch*... maybe I do need to sleep...


 * I can't sleep! I guess I'll read the dictionary again unless you can help.


 * I'm so tired, but I can't sleep or rats might carry me away! I wish there was some way to get over my fear.


 * Look at it this way: the longer you stay up, the more awesome it is when you finally get to sleep. I'm building up to one heck of a sleep jackpot right now.


 * Oh my, please forgive me, I must be a terrible bore. If only I could get some sleep, maybe I'd make better conversation.


 * Please, don't mind my nocturnal screaming. I don't wish to burden you with my night terrors...


 * Sure, sleep is nice and everything, but staying awake for two weeks at a time is kind of cool too! The hallucinations can be a real laugh.


 * Uggh, I haven't slept in days... I just can't seem to fall asleep.

Dr. Thorpe's Bone Tonic

 * Did you know bones can serve to protect internal organs? Mine are feeling kinda soft. Can you help?


 * I can't believe my bones still hurt after 3 weeks. That's it, I'm a goner... done for... throw in the towel... close the curtain...


 * I mean, I don't need calcium. I have plenty of deposits on my body. But the more the merrier.


 * I'd never dream of burdening you with my problems... if my bones weren't so terribly soft, I'd gladly carry my own weight.


 * My bones are brittle and weak... but I like to think of myself as more soft and huggable because of it.


 * My bones are sore, but it doesn't matter... nobody cares and I'll probably die in a week due to lack of medication. Whatever.


 * My bones feel hollow... like I'm sort of freaky giant monkey bird.


 * My bones feel like someone's been biting them all day long. *twitch* CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP! NUUUU!


 * My bones hurt... they haven't felt this bad since that time Mr. Raccoon tackled me for poking around his trash.


 * Oh man, the doctor said my bones would turn to jelly if I didn't get some bone tonic. That actually sounds kinda AWESOME! I could squeeze under doors and stuff!


 * Ohhhh... my bones are so brittle right now...


 * Ow, my posterior intercondyloid fossa... I think I need some of Dr.Thorpe's Bone Tonic


 * Owie owie owie! My bones feel like peanut brittle. I think I need medicine...


 * Pardon me for disturbing you, but could you possibly spare a bit of bone tonic? My femurs are so frightfully spongy...


 * Ugh, I'm sick... *twitch* SICK IN THE BODY! GRAH! *twitch* My bones aches...


 * Whoo! Call me crazy, but I kinda love the feeling of intense skeleton pain. It's exhilarating!

Lung Brush

 * * Cough* My lungs hurt! Did you know that flungus affects 4 out 10 orphans? It's true! *Cough*


 * * Cough* So sorry for my *cough* constant... *cough* coughing..


 * * cough* *cough* Can I replace my lungs with balloons? Better yet replace them with robo-lungs?


 * * cough* *cough* My lungs hurt... like when Mr. Raccoon set that trash can on fire.


 * * cough* *hack* I mean I don't need both lungs right? But anything to help would be great.


 * * cough* *hack* My lungs hurt...


 * * hack* *cough* Owie, I'm having a hard time breathing. It feels like Mr. Raccoon is sitting on my chest again.


 * * hack* Ohhh... I think I might have a bad case of flungus... *cough*


 * * wheeze* I... can... barely... talk... ... lungs... on... fire... *wheeze*


 * * wheeze* I... need... something... to... help... me... breathe... better... *wheeze*


 * Geeez... my lungs hurt. Must have been all that soot I ate for breakfast this morning.


 * I wish I could afford a lung brush. I have a bad case of the bellowgroans, aka old man grunt.


 * I'm so very ashamed of myself for pestering you with my constant hacking and coughing. Curse these dusty lungs!


 * My lungs are like the gifts that keep on giving. I never know what I'm gonna cough up next! Yesterday I coughed up an entire charcoal briquette!


 * My lungs hurt so much I want to just rip them out and give them a good scrubbing!


 * Oh great - now my lungs hurt and its hard to breathe. What a great way to start the holidays *sigh*


 * The great thing about lungs is that you only really need one of them. Hear that, lefty? Deteriorate all you want, I've got a spare!

Burlap Sack

 * * twitch* Boy oh boy, I wish I had a good burlap sack *twitch* TO BITE INSTEAD OF YOU! GRAH! *twitch*


 * Burlap sacks are a lot of fun, but I really shouldn't ask for such frivolous things...


 * Did you know ghillie suits are often made of burlap? No you didn't! I wish I had some burlap to make a suit out of.


 * For once, I'd like to own a sack that isn't hiding a feral raccooon.


 * I feel so terribly greedy for asking, but could you possibly spare an old burlap sack?


 * I had burlap sack once, it was glorious. All itchy and warm like my asbestos underwear. Oh to live those days again...


 * I know this isn't a very lofty ambition, but someday I hope to own a burlap sack. With careful budgeting and a high-interest finance plan, I think I can make this dream a reality within the decade.


 * I prefer to call it "hessian cloth". "Burlap" sounds like the sound I make when I burp.


 * I saw the burlap sack advertisement in the paper. They sure look fun. *nudge* *nudge*


 * I used to cry inside my old burlap sack, but the rats ate through it. Now I have nothing to cry in and I'm so sad.


 * I used to have a burlap sack, but I ated it...


 * I've always wanted to be in a potato sack race...


 * If mankind ever makes a material more high-tech than burlap, I don't even want to know about it. Plus, burlap sacks make the greatest toys ever. I hope I get to play with one sometime.


 * One time, the other orphans put me in a sack *twitch* THAT SACK WAS MY BEST FRIEND! GRAH! *twitch* I wish I had another one...


 * The best toy I ever had was the empty potato sack that Mr. Raccoon looted. We didn't eat, but we had fun. I wish I had one again...


 * Those dang rats ate through my burlap sack, so now I have nothing to use for the big potato sack race next weekend. Winner gets to eat!

Carpet Swatch

 * * twitch* I like toys I can chew on MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH *twitch* I would love something small and tough to PLAY WITH MUNCH MUNCH


 * Carpet swatches are more exciting than any video game. I'm 100% serious about that. I can't get enough.


 * Did you know that carpet is the favorite toy of children everywhere? I just made that up, but I still want to play with some!


 * How dare I ask for a carpet sample when I can offer you nothing in return except my heartfelt gratitude? I'm such a greedy little monster.


 * I dearly wish I had something soft to play with... but how dare I ask for a new toy when so many less fortunate orphans have nothing but sand and toenail clippings to entertain them?


 * I don't have dolls, but once I had piece of carpet named "Swatchworth". Dogs took it from me *frown*


 * I feel sorry for normal kids, who need fancy store bought toys to have fun. Just give me an old carpet sample and I'm entertained for a week. It's great!


 * I would love some little bit of textile that I could love and hold... maybe a bit of rug or something...


 * I'd love carpet, when I don't have to use it as a food substitute.


 * Santa's sleigh doesn't look big enough to carry carpet. I doubt he has space to deliver something like that. I guess its another year on the concrete.


 * Surveys say that 9 out of 10 orphans need a swatch of carpet.


 * The best gift I ever got was a piece of a rug *twitch* IT WAS SO CHEW CHEW CHEWY *twitch* I hope Santa got my list...


 * The earliest carpet was called "pazyryk carpet". I bet that was as fun to play with as it was to say! I wish I could try some...


 * We don't have carpet in the orphanage... just once I'd like to play around on some of that stuff.


 * We once had a rug, but Mr. Raccoon decided it'd be his bathroom. I wish I had a rug to play on... even just a little...


 * We've never had carpets in the orphanage, I bet we would just ruin it anyways. I doubt carpet would cheer me up *sigh*

Cup-N-Ball

 * Am I a terrible person because I regret giving away my last cup-and-ball game? Oh, don't mind me... I suppose I'm just playing the martyr again...


 * Do you know what the world record is for cup and ball? I bet I could beat that if I just had one.


 * GRAH! *twitch* I hope Santa brings me a toy for Xmas. *twitch* SOMETHING I CAN PLAY BY MYSELF *twitch*


 * I once made a Cup-N-Ball out of a hat and an orange, but both of them got eaten...


 * I'm amazed that civilization didn't just collapse after they invented the cup and ball. It's so much fun, why would anyone ever bother going to work again? Leave me alone with a cup and ball and I'll forget to eat for weeks on end.


 * Just once, I'd like a toy that wasn't made out of garbage.


 * Oh, don't bother getting me a cup-and-ball... it's far too expensive. I'll just entertain myself by counting to a billion. One... two... three... four...


 * Our 'cup and ball' was more like a 'hat and an apple'. It was still a lot of fun though *sigh*


 * People have been playing cup and ball for centuries! I wanna try!


 * The cup and ball represents the ultimate pinnacle of all human endeavor. I can't believe they don't cost like a million dollars. If you get me one, I promise to never put it down as long as I live.


 * The other kids at the orphanage never let me play with the cup and ball... they said I might hurt myself... bunch of jerks.


 * We didn't have real toys at the orphanage. We had a cup and ball once, but Mr. Raccoon ate the ball. I really liked that toy...


 * We had a "cup and ball" once, but a raccoon stole it *twitch* MAMMAL ATTACK! GRAH! *twitch* I miss that toy...


 * What's the point of putting the ball into the cup? Its just going to come out when you tip the cup. Still... it looks fun for some stupid reason.

Hoop-N-Stick

 * * twitch* HOOPA HOOPA HOOPA *twitch* I want a "hoop and stick" to munch on. GIVE IT OR ELSE! GRAH!


 * Boy oh boy! There's something about today that makes me want to push a hoop around with a stick for no particular reason!


 * How I long for a simple toy to play with... something to run around with, perhaps. I'm sorry, it's stupid. I should ask for something practical instead


 * I could entertain myself for hours with a Hoop and Stick, and defend myself against future raccoon attacks!


 * I could use the stick from the hoop and stick as a pointer for when we play school!


 * I once had a Hoop-N-Stick... it was actually more like a Tire-N-Pipe, though. I wonder what the real thing's like...


 * I sure wish I had that Hoop and Stick again. Mr. Raccoon ruins all of our toys.


 * I used to have a hoop and stick, but it was stolen by thugs... I'm sorry for being so careless. I should have held onto it tighter while they beat me...


 * I want to play! I've always wanted a Hoop-N-Stick...


 * I've seen other kids playing with a Hoop and Stick. I bet their parents bought it for them... I wish I had parents to buy me a Hoop and Stick *sigh*


 * If I had a hoop and stick, I'd pretty much consider myself the richest person who ever lived.


 * If you've never chased a rusty hoop down a cobblestone street with a stick, you've never truly lived. I'm sorry, but that's just the way it is. They're the most perfect toy ever.


 * The Hoop and Stick looks fun, but I'd probably get scratched, then the scratch would get infected, then I'd die.


 * The ancient greeks called it "trochos", but no one knows what that is when I ask for one, so now I just say "hoop and stick" instead.


 * The other orphans get angry at me for chewing their toys. *twitch* CHEWY HOOP CHEWY STICK MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH!


 * We had a Hoop and Stick at the orphanage. We broke the stick fighting off Mr. Raccoon when he had that bout of rabies...