G9AN: 2006

Gaia 9 Action News, Cindy Donovinh reporting on the Events of 2006.

New Year's '06
SHOPKEEPER ARRESTED AT MASQUERADE

By Cindy Donovinh

The Masque's gala New Year's Eve Masquerade went off without a hitch-- almost.

The party started off well, as costumed partygoers flooded the Gambino Mansion, apparently undeterred by the building's long history of blowing up burning down, and falling over. Most attendees were dressed to the nines, especially Sasha, who showed up in a striking red dress. Rumors of a possible romantic link between Sasha and The Masque were on everyone's lips, but as the clock struck midnight, the only pairs of lips on anyone's mind were Sasha's and The Masque's. In a touching end to the evening, The Masque took off his famous facemask to reveal that he was indeed Gino Gambino, although almost everyone had figured that out already. He and Sasha shared a lingering kiss, but their romantic bliss was interrupted by the shrieks of an unwelcome guest.

Ian, owner of Barton Boutique and frequent denier of rumors surrounding Sasha and Gino's romantic link, was arrested after forcing his way past security and crashing the party. He was heard screaming "No!" as Sasha and Gino embraced, confirming suspicions held by many that he harbored a secret crush on Sasha.

Shortly after his unseemly outburst, Ian was collared by Gaian police, and arrested-- not for disturbing the party, but for the Halloween arson that destroyed the old Gambino Mansion!

An account of the event can be seen here.

Ian Shot!
ACQUITTED SHOPKEEPER WOUNDED BY SNIPER

By Cindy Donovinh

Just moments after being acquitted on charges of arson, Barton Boutique owner Ian was shot outside the courtroom by an unseen gunman.

Ian, who conspicuously declined to reveal his last name during the trial, was accused of starting the fire which burned down the G-Corp lab and the Gambino Mansion last Halloween. His trial was conducted by specially designed legal robots, who were able to exercise the law 2000% more efficiently than human attorneys. The prosecution attempted to launch a two-pronged attack against Ian, claiming that he held a grudge against the Gambino family due to prior business dealings and that he personally hated Gino Gambino for his romantic interest in Sasha.

These accusations failed to register with the Gaian public, who saw Ian as a sweet, shy man caught up in a situation beyond his control. After a three-day trial and brief jury deliberations, Ian was cleared of all charges. Ian had only begun to leave the courtroom when the crack of gunfire pierced the air, and his body slumped upon the court steps. Witnesses at the scene were unable to pinpoint the location of the shooter; many suspect that he was shot by the very same "sniper" who shot Johnny K. Gambino last year.

Ian is currently in under tight security at a nearby hospital; he listed in critical condition.

Click here for a detailed account of the story.

April Fools '06
BIZARRE DUEL PROVIDES UNEASY ANSWERS

By Cindy Donovinh

What started as a quarrel over a romantic entanglement became something much more bizarre as the mysterious LabTech X returned to Gaia to sort out his unfinished business with the Gambino Family.

A squabble between two men competing over the same woman prompted a meeting at the Barton Cliffs today, as Gino Gambino challenged Ian to a duel to the death. The object of the duel was to win Sasha's affections, but witnesses report that Sasha seemed distraught over the conflict. Ian, just released from the hospital after being gravely wounded by the infamous "Sniper" last month, was clearly in no condition to fight, but Gino Gambino appeared mad with determination to destroy Ian.

Just as a merciless Gino was about to push Ian over the cliff, LabTech X swooped down, seemingly out of nowhere, and stopped Gino dead in his tracks. LabTech X injected Gino with what appeared to be a huge syringe full of G-Virus. Gino and X engaged in a brief scuffle at the edge of the cliff before toppling over the edge and landing in the sea below with a massive, blinding flash of light.

When the dust settled, a miraculous and inexplicable outcome had emerged: LabTech X had been completely destroyed, and long-dead billionaire Johnny K. Gambino was seen emerging from the crater looking fitter than ever; stranger still, Gino Gambino was also present at the scene, looking noticeably younger than before.

A possible explanation for this baffling event comes from documents sent to Gaia 9 Action News by LabTech X; according to these documents, the G-Virus was originally devised as a method to combine Johnny K. Gambino's living tissue with that of his son, at once making Johnny years younger and instilling Gino with his father's half-insane drive to succeed. The combined Johnny/Gino being would be an immortal heir to the Gambino empire!

During their fall from the ill-fated Gambino Tower, Johnny and Gino merged into one being, completing the sinister purpose of the G-Virus. This may explain Gino's marked change in character over the last few months. While he was once a shy and retiring youngster, his recent actions were more in line with his father's personality: mad with power, driven to succeed at all costs, and willing to step over his friends to satisfy his desires.

We can only speculate that the energy blast released by the cataclysmic duel with LabTech X somehow separated Johnny and Gino into two distinct beings once more. The exact cause of this event remains shrouded in mystery, but one thing is clear: the Gambino Family has returned.

Full coverage of the story can be found here.

Halloween '06
INTERPLANETARY TENSIONS HIGHLIGHT GAMBINO EVENT

By Cindy Donovinh

Alien beings, known as the Zurg, have initiated contact with our world. Researchers indicate that their presence was first detected after the energy flash that separated Johnny and Gino Gambino. Whether the Zurg are friendly or hostile is as yet unclear, but our race has now made peaceful contact with their leader, the enigmatic "Mother."

Our contact with the extra-terrestrial beings, now called an "invasion" by many, started slowly: UFO sightings in Gaia's Towns began to rise astronomically, ranchers reported that their cows had gone missing, and elaborate "crop circles" appeared in fields. Some Gaians claimed that the Zurg spoke to them, and even noted distinct personalities among different Zurg beings. Some seemed to be hostile, some seemed friendly, and one seemed slightly disabled.

The Zurg did not officially make their presence known until the annual Halloween party at the Gambino Mansion. "Mother" made a surprise appearance, crashing her massive ship into the mansion and announcing herself as the creator of the recently introduced Zurg energy drink.

An account of the party can be seen here.

Zurg "party crashers" stormed the event, drunkenly probing cows and humans with their strange alien devices. Whether the probing was a friendly greeting or an act of violence has not been determined; many Gaians took offense to the invasive prodding, and fought back with non-lethal ray guns, "zapping" many aliens into submission.

Gaian gossip-hounds also report that the event also contained some distinctly Gaian tensions as well. Popular Gaian socialite Liam was seen carousing with Sasha at the ball, much to the distress of Moira and Vanessa, who had previously been romantically linked with the Aekean heartthrob. Witnesses report that all three women left the ball looking furious; Liam, amazingly, managed to escape unharmed.

Since the Halloween party, the Zurg Energy Drink has been outselling Gambino's once-popular Red Bino drink by a wide margin. The Zurg market their drink as a healthful tonic that improves intelligence and boosts attractiveness, but the drink has a shocking side effect: it mutates the DNA of anyone who drinks it, turning them into a Zurg!

UFO 09 Shot!
ZURG HERO SHOT DOWN BY COMRADES

By Cindy Donovinh

Reports of the crash-landing of a Zurg spacecraft shed new light on the mysterious disappearance of UFO pilot 09, considered by many in the Gaian resistance to be one of the few trustworthy aliens. Eyewitness accounts indicate that 09's craft was seen engaged in an aerial dogfight with two other Zurg craft; 09 attempted evasive maneuvers, but was shot down in a hail of laser fire by a craft believed to belong to the notoriously ill-tempered UFO 11.

It is unknown whether 09 survived the spectacular crash; no remains were found at the crash site, and a sighting of the alien mothership hovering over the wreckage lead some Gains to speculate that 09's remains may have been recovered by the Zurg Mother.

Sources close to the situation speculate that 09's romance with a Gaian known as Yuzi K may have been the source of the tensions that caused such a shocking betrayal.

You can view the eyewitness reconstructions of the event here.

Xmas '06 Pt. 1
GAMBINO DENOUNCES ALIEN MOTHER

By Cindy Donovinh

In a televised interview with Gaia 9 Action News, industrialist Johnny K Gambino has announced that he has severed all business ties with the flourishing Zurg energy drink conglomerate. Gambino revealed that members of the Gaian Resistance, who oppose the Zurg's activities on Gaia, presented him with documents which proved that the Zurg Mother had nefarious plans for Gaia's future. Although details of this alleged plan are sketchy, Gambino believes that Mother may be planning to reform the Gaian government in order to "save the Gaians from their own ignorance."

While the exact nature of this government takeover is unclear, Gambino has made it clear that he does not intend to be a part of whatever plans Mother may be making. Additionally, Gambino has revealed that further Zurg documents expose a possible plot to kidnap Santa, the beloved mascot of Gaia's Xmas holiday.

The full interview can be read here.

Xmas '06 Pt. 2
ZURG PLOT RESULTS IN COW-SANTA HYBRID; ZURG OFFER TO SAVE XMAS

By Cindy Donovinh

Santa's mind has been transferred to the body of a cow in a botched abduction attempt by Zurg spacecraft. Exactly how this mind-swap is possible is unknown, but leading researchers believe that it may be the effect of a Zurg tractor beam pulling Santa and a cow into live power lines. Gaian scientists have advised the public not to think too hard about this.

An artist's rendition of the events leading to this bizarre mind-swap can be viewed here.

One of the Zurg pilots, the beloved 02, has expressed regret over the incident, although his statements do not seem to constitute an official apology from the Zurg leadership. With Santa apparently incapacitated and the future of Xmas unclear, 02 has offered to step into Santa's shoes and take on the role of holiday gift giver.

In a shocking development, Santa, now inhabiting the body of a cow, revealed in an interview that he will continue his duties as usual, although his condition may make it difficult. He remains deeply distrustful of the Zurg's motivation, and as Xmas draws near, Gaians will have to make a difficult choice: will they put their faith in a Santa with a cow's body, or an alien Santa impostor?

Click here to read the interview with Santa and Zurg 02.