User:Jahoclave

Overview
Jahoclave joined Gaia in May of 2003. He has since been a regular at the Writer's Forum. He has done a plethora of things, from hosting a room at the Second Annual Gaian Ball, as well as writing the descriptions for many of the rooms, opening one of the first house rp's, Jahoclave's Dacha, to helping direct many of the policies and rules of the Writer's forum itself.

Current Work
Currently the lead columnist for the The Gaian Press. A regular in the The Eleventy-One and OS/P Chat Thread. Also maintains his own Fan Guild, which also plays host to his literary works.

Modus Operandi
Jahoclave is known for his snarky wit, especially as it is applied to people who post poorly on Gaia, be it misplacing a thread because they didn't read the stickies, or for generally posting a very bad story. He is generally most viscous when it comes to people who see any negativity directed towards their writing as a flame.

Generally considered a veritable legend in the Writer's Forum due to his many years of anti-noob snark and wit. Though he may not be well known outside of the WF, inside, he is looked to as a figure of authority, knowledge, and above all, somebody you don't want to mess with.
 * The Eleventy-One's Emergency Bazooka, created by Hawthorne

He is also well known for his choice of avatar, a mix between the red pimp suit outfit, and the red kill Vo outfit. It has become synonymous with the name “Jahoclave.”

Also he claims to be the head of '''Really Big Jaho Korp. International'''. This gigantic conglomerate spans not just the universe, but multiple universi. Not only does it claim to just own everything, it claims ownership on the very quarks that atoms are made of.

His signature is also known as it generally carries a political message, generally satirical in nature, as well as quotes:

Permanently featured: "I will achieve world peace, even if I have to kill every last one of you." On Rotation: ”I Perform Abortions on the Internet” “It isn't that it's a dictatorship, it's actually a democracy. It's just happenstance that we only happen to have one citizen.” “Dryads do it rough.” “I don't touch myself like that, lest the kittens start a violent and bloody revolution” “Every time you frown, God kills a clown.” “Don't let life happen to you, support post-birth abortion.” “Jesus sucks at saving throws.” “It's legal in Canadian Night Clubs.” “Henry Heinz once said: “To do a common thing uncommonly well brings success.” However, to do a common thing uncommonly bad brings Congress.” “You can only truly pray to God when you accept that His answer is already embedded in your own common sense.” “God is not a U.S. Citizen; as such, please keep him out of the White House.” “It's only an insignificant waving scrap of cloth, please stop pledging allegiance to it.” “I don't fail at life. Life fails at me.” “Shakespeare: an enlightened moron with a thesaurus.” “It's not global warming, It's the liberation of H20! We're bringing freedom and democracy to the poles!”

Jaho Stop Him War
Stop Him was the original moderator of the Writer's Forum. Jahoclave did not take well to him as he considered Stop Him to be, incompetent, knowing nothing about writing, a poor choice, and only in the position because he personally knew Lanzer.

Jahoclave's Dacha
The Dacha, featuring many military defense systems was Jahoclave's vacation home after he took a leave of absence from the Gaian C.I.A. It was one of the first 'home' Role Plays on Gaia, a trend that has sense taken off.

Second Annual Gaian Ball
Jahoclave was the host of the Boom Boom Room during the ball. He also wrote many of the descriptions for the other rooms.

The Holy Clavian Empire
During a brief period Jahoclave served as the figurehead for the Holy Clavian Empire, which was basically an offshoot of people who, in an attempt to clean up the forum (this was the days before the report function was available), mimicked Jahoclave's style of snarky and witty posts to let the user know that they had done wrong. However, this soon turned into an excessive competition to see who could come up with the most snarky and/or witty reply, with nearly everybody having to add their post; thus, the threads soon became nothing short of off-topic flame festivals. Jahoclave eventually withdrew his support of this group and demanded they stop using his name as he did not and still does not support flaming or breaking of the T.O.S.
 * Image for the Holy Clavian Empire

Asshole of the Year
This award is given out to the person voted the snarkiest, most hate filled, cynical, narcissistic critic in the Writer's Forum. 2003 2004 2005 2006 (Nominated)

Mules
Kilroy Bethany Hodgins Aurelius Hadrianus Patriotic Steve Communist Steve Jonathan S. Tuttle Lord Clavy Calvin Coolidge Warren G. Harding Pool Might Be Closed Molly Flanagan Saint Isidor of Seville